THE END: for now

THE END: for now.  But there is really no end to this story

The biggest things I have had to struggle with (aside from spirits, depression, hospitals, etc) is the fact that 1. The medication causes massive weight gain and I put on about 30 pounds over the year, no matter how healthy I tried to eat. It seems to have leveled off now, but seriously, gaining that much weight has affected my confidence and self image.  And 2. I felt like I lost my creative spark.  I used to write blog posts about art.  I used to draw.  I used to create.  I used to get caught up in my fantasy land of rainbow cows and penguins.  This was all lost since starting on the medications.  These medications limit how much dopamine is in your brain and dopamine is thought to be linked to creativity.  I am trying my best to get it back and slowly, slowly, I think more of me returns every day.  I am happy to say that it has been one year since I have experienced any voices and I am starting to want to draw and create again.  I focus on my successes instead of my set-backs.  You don’t have to let mental illness take over.  You can lead a normal life and have a job and a family and good relationships.  Your diagnosis doesn’t define you.  Stay strong.  You are not alone.    

I am very open to discussing all aspects of my journey so if you have questions please ask them.  I am an open book when it comes to this (finally now after hiding it for so long) and I hope to find others who will open up about their personal struggles with mental illness from anxiety to depression and everything else in between.  I still go to a support group through CARE and there is always the chance that symptoms will return.  I just take it one day at a time.  Thanks to all my friends, family and therapists, who have been so amazing and supportive through all this.  I might not be here if it wasn't for your continued support and love.

Thanks for reading.