MORE HOSPITALS

MORE HOSPITALS

Little by little I started feeling a little better, but almost as soon as that happened, it all came back and the medication didn’t seem to be working.  A spirit had entered my brain and I could feel it inside me, burrowing into my brain.  I became obsessed with the subconscious and I turned against my own brain.  How dare it make assumptions about the world around me (mainly brain teasers and optical illusions made me mad).  The only way to fix this was to cut the bad spirit out.  I sliced open my forehead until blood was dripping down my face.  My friend saw this and immediately drove me to the hospital where I was admitted for a second time. 

This time, I was in the same hospital but in a different ward.  This ward was a little better.  It had a common area with a fridge (always stocked with goodies) games, a tv, and coffee/tea bar.  It also had a great patio.  I met some cool girls this time, and we actually made it a little bit fun.  One of the other patients claimed to be a musical savant, so we would listen to his stories about the old days (he was an older gentleman) and about how he did amazing things in his youth.  The recreational therapists would come most days and we would make beaded bracelets or do some other art project.  I now have a drawer full of beaded bracelets thanks to this!  They are kind of awesome actually.

They messed with my medication a little bit more, adding Haldol to the mix.  Haldol is a powerful antipsychotic but it was added at a low dose to supplement the medication I was already on.  I was taken off lithium because it didn’t seem to be helping at all.  While I was hospitalized, I missed my favourite day of the year – pride parade day! I got a visit from a friend later that afternoon bringing me flowers and some fun gay pride swag.  It was pouring with rain that day so I guess if I had to miss a year, this would not be a bad one.  I was in the hospital this time for about a week.  Long enough.  The voices had quieted and I was feeling ok to go home.  It didn’t last long.

I was hospitalized twice more after that, once on a 5150 hold (involuntarily admission to the hospital) with the longest stay being for about two weeks.  All because the spirits wouldn’t leave me alone and cardboard world invaded my mind.  The last time I was in the hospital was in January of 2016 (a WHOLE year ago!).  I spent my birthday there, but thanks to some amazing friends, I felt so loved and happy and they made it a really special day for me.  One friend brought me an entire cake from Extraordinary Desserts called the Moroccan.  It is my favourite of their cakes and they almost never have it available.  It might go down at the best birthday present I have ever gotten.  We had to cut it with a spatula because they don’t allow knives (even plastic ones) in the ward.  #psychhospitalproblems… During the last stay, they also took me off the other medications I was on and just prescribed a higher dose of Haldol.  Along with Lexopro (an antidepressant) I finally felt more stable and functional than I had in over a year.  I started to feel like myself again.